All relationships and marriages go through a series of changes, some of them painful. For instance, relationships often begin in the honeymoon phase, where excitement, passion and an intense connection with your partner is the norm. Couples in this phase describe having more energy, motivation and feelings of euphoria. Research shows that our brains change significantly when we fall in love: The pleasure centers of your brain become more active and dopamine levels increase (elevated dopamine levels are associated with feeling elated).
Around the two-year mark (this varies from couple to couple), your relationship leaves this blissful phase and enters a stage where conflict and disagreements are more likely. This is a common experience and couples need to prepare for this change.
The personality differences between you and your partner now become more apparent and you may find that the relationship is starting to feel like a series of painful arguments, or at best, you wonder what happened to the intense connection that once defined your relationship. It is easy to feel disillusioned at this point, especially if you misinterpret these inevitable changes as evidence that you’re with the wrong person. Many become affair-prone during this difficult time.
What should you do at this point?
Remind yourself that your marriage or relationship will leave this terrible-two phase--don't jump to the conclusion that you've made the biggest mistake of your life.
Learn to handle conflicts and disagreements with skill and tact. Read self-help books on how to communicate more effectively with your partner.
Resist the need to be right all the time--this is a waste of your time and energy (and your relationship will only suffer). The name of the game is compromise so that your relationship can travel to calmer waters.
Learn to compromise, to say "I'm sorry" and to forgive your partner for his/her mistakes. Even if you don't agree with your partner, learn to understand his/her perspective.
Remember, each time you place the relationship above your individual needs, you restate your commitment to building a deep and loving union.
Until next time,
Rich Nicastro
www.StrengthenYourRelationship.com
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