Quick Tip:
If you want to improve your relationship, think small: Pick one tiny behavior that you've been wanting to change about yourself (or a behavior that drives your partner up a wall) and commit to changing it. I know, easier said than done. But if it's a small change--something that wouldn't take a lot of effort--you can definitely succeed. And don't kid yourself, small changes add up to big differences.
I've seen this first-hand in my work with couples. The key is persistence. Many people make the following mistake: they identify a behavior that they want to add or subtract from the relationship, such as adding the behavior of holding hands more often, and they do this for several days. And then they wait and observe. What are they looking for?
They expect to see an improvement in their relationship--for the relationship sky to crack open and their spouse or partner to proclaim, "You've been wonderful this last week, I adore you and now I know that I can’t possibly live without you!"
The payoff for small changes happens down the road a bit. Put your focus and energy into turning the new change into a welcome habit. As this habit grows, it can lead to other small, positive changes in you (and your partner)--ripple effects often occur over time. But invest your energy in making the change a daily part of your relationship--don't wait around for the payoff. Expecting a particular outcome is a setup for frustration and disappointment. Be patient.
An area ripe for a small change:
As a spouse or partner, how do you start and end your day?
I always ask couples about how they greet and say goodbye to one another. This is an important area of relationships that is often neglected. Making a small change here can pack a big relationship punch down the road.
Improving the way you greet your partner and say good-bye are quick and easy to do-- but often overlooked in our hectic, chaotic schedules. A warm, expressive greeting (when you wake up--OK, after you've had your coffee--or when you return home) can set the stage for the entire day.
An affectionate “good-bye” also allows you and your partner to emotionally hold on to positive, loving feelings while separated from each other.
You’d be surprised how often couples skip this simple way to book-end their days. It may seem easier to put all your morning energies into catching the 7:15 train and overlook taking the time to stop, make eye contact with your partner and genuinely wish him/her a good day.
Don’t fall into this trap.
Until next time,
Rich Nicastro
www.StrengthenYourRelationship.com
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