Teasing is a great way to fan the flames of desire. Have you ever noticed how people in a new relationship excel at the art of teasing? Whether seducing each other at the supermarket or while sitting at a red light, new lovers discover ways to turn each other on in the most ordinary of circumstances. They seem to be involved in a type of game—a game with unspoken rules. These rules create moments that feel enticing and forbidden to the couple, thereby increasing their excitement and desire. Are you ready to enter the game of teasing with your partner?
The Basics of Teasing, Part I:
Attitude. The art and skill of teasing starts with a particular attitude. The most important part of this attitude involves giving yourself permission to be playful and provocative with your partner. Without permission, you will remain inhibited and lose the freedom necessary for the game of teasing. It is therefore important that you give yourself permission to have fun with your partner.
Knowledge. Since there is no standard, one-size-fits-all rule for teasing, information about your partner is essential for teasing to be effective. Use and build on what you already know about your partner. Take the time to review the sexual history of your relationship. What kinds of activities turned your partner on in the past? What turns him/her on presently? Has your partner’s sexual tastes and preferences changed? Talk with your partner about her/his current sexual interests and fantasies. Think of ways you can use this information to entice your partner’s sexual appetite.
Try Something Different. The exciting and novel sexual activities that are inherent to many new relationships can become sidelined by the familiar and routine. If the sexual terrain of your relationship feels too predictable, try changing the rules of engagement that have led to stagnation. You and your partner might find it exciting to periodically replace the familiar with something new, such as changing the location where sex typically occurs or educating yourselves about new sexual activities/positions.
Teasing and Anticipation: A perfect match. Teasing becomes more intense by creating an atmosphere of anticipation (See Relationship Passion Tip # 1). Anticipation and teasing work beautifully together. For instance, imagine sending your partner steamy emails throughout the day reminding her/him of what’s going to transpire later that night. Or how about leaving your partner a sensuous note or voicemail? Remember that to be a really good teaser you need to create moments of enticement. One way to accomplish this is to become skilled in the art of giving just a little, followed by playful, temporary withholding. As the teaser, your message becomes, “I’ve got what you want and I’m not going to let you have it—just yet.” (One caveat: Make sure you partner doesn’t perceive you as rejecting her/him when you withhold. Reminders of what will occur when you and your partner finally make love should do the trick.)
Don’t Over do It. A rule of thumb about teasing: Don’t over do it. If you constantly tease your partner, the effectiveness of teasing can be diminished. How often you use teasing as a way to maintain the passion in your relationship will depend on the particular rhythms that exist between you and your partner. You may need to experiment to find a pacing that works well for your relationship.
Stay tuned for more on the art of teasing….
