Richard Nicastro

About me (and about this blog):

I recently conducted an interview with myself. Here are some highlights:

Q: Why a blog about relationships?
A: Survey people and I think you’ll find that most feel their relationship or marriage is the most important part of their life. If someone’s not in a relationship, finding a romantic partner often becomes a top priority. As a relationship coach, I’ve worked with many people who were very successful in business and other areas of life but longed to share this success with a soul-mate.

Q: Do you think people need help in their relationships?
A: Absolutely! At the outset of a relationship, many don’t prepare for the time ahead as they would for a trip or a career. And once in love and committed to one another, people generally do very little ongoing maintenance to keep their relationship healthy. Sure, when all hell is breaking loose, they’ll call a couples counselor or consult with a friend, but prior to that, do you think people consistently perform “relationship self-care?” Too often the answer is NO.

We’re more likely to make certain that our cars, computers, and audio-visual devices are running smoothly, than to consistently attend to our relationships. Furthermore, people seem to realize that it’s vital to nurture business relationships for extended periods of time in order to be successful and financially secure. But for some reason, most of us assume that our romantic relationships will be self-sufficient and require little ongoing effort. The divorce rates and frequency of failed relationships strongly suggest that falling in love will not ensure long-term success on its own. We need help in this area! We shouldn’t wait for problems to emerge before giving continual attention to our relationships.

Q: Are you saying it’s important for people to try different things and do more than they already are?
A: Now you’re catching on. People spend tons of money on health foods, gyms, home exercise equipment, alternative medicine, medical doctors, specialists, etc. Why? Because decades of science have shown us the benefits of a healthy lifestyle and many people have changed the way they live because of this information. There’s good reason that preventive medicine is now big business.

Now take some individuals who are healthy and feel good because they have been taking care of themselves on a regular basis and put them in an unhealthy relationship or marriage. What do you think happens? Those same healthy, vibrant people become depressed, develop sleep problems, are tired and stressed all the time, find it difficult to focus at work…In other words, EVERY aspect of life is negatively impacted when your relationship is out of balance, or worse, failing.

Q: Why are you doing this blog?
A: Good question! I get really excited about helping people, especially when it involves working with them to create greater happiness and intimacy in their marriage or romantic relationship. I’ve been doing this for over a decade as a psychologist in private practice and now I’m doing it as a life and relationship coach. In addition to coaching, I love teaching and giving workshops. I’ve taught at several universities and have trained and supervised psychology doctoral students. I find it inspiring to communicate my passion to groups of people.

It’s exciting to learn from others about what has and hasn’t worked for them in their relationships. A blog seems like a perfect way to connect with people from all over the world and learn what others have discovered about intimacy and commitment. While there’s not one perfect way to be in a relationship, there is a vast wealth of lived wisdom that we can all tap into that will ultimately make someone’s relationship stronger and more fulfilling.

Q: Do you practice what you preach in your own life?
A: I really try. Each day I set an intention to be a better husband. I have found that the practice of setting intentions (what some might refer to as goals) has a profound impact on how I act and react in life. I’m married to an amazing person who inspires me. Part of what I will be blogging about is what has worked (and what hasn’t) for me and my wife. And yes, she knows I’ll be writing about our relationship, including its foibles.

Q: Can you tell us anything else about yourself beyond your profession?
A: Sure. What I love doing: Spending time with my family, learning, trying new restaurants, reading, lingering in coffee shops, hiking, and going on day-trips throughout New England. I also love to make people laugh and challenge them to think in ways that expand who they are.

What I’m working on doing: To regularly sit and meditate. Boy, it’s easier said than done but so worth the effort. Also, I’m trying to get my two cats to coexist peacefully. Oddly, the cats love the dogs but Eddy and Charlotte have made it very clear that their lives would be better served without each other. So far my efforts to coach them and to encourage them to meditate through their differences have not been successful.

What I do but don’t like: Exercise. Yeah, we all need to and each time I exercise (when it’s over) I’m glad I did. But don’t tell me I have to like it!

What I won’t do: Intentionally hurt someone in any way. I also don’t do heights well. I’ve learned (the hard way) that from ground level objects appear closer than when perched atop a ladder. This may not sound like a big deal to you, but since I convinced my wife we should buy a house built in 1840 in desperate need of restoration (restoration I thought I could handle), I need to find a way to get my hammer twenty feet above sea level. I’m proud to announce that the house looks great in all the places I can reach! (She hasn’t said “I told you so” yet...)